PURE FUCKING ESCAPISM (novel under (de)construction)

PURE FUCKING ESCAPISM

A high fantasy antinovel by Esben Staugaard 

  
Seriously, that Dimmu Borgir cover was the best image I could find of 
 Gustave Doré's illustration for "Idylls of the King" by Alfred Lord Tennyson.
The album title is "FOR ASS LID" if anyone is having trouble reading the gothic lettering.



DO YOU HATE TODAY'S NORMCORE REALITY?

An introdictum

Are you sick of looking at Trumps orange face glowing on the LED skies like a psychotic sun?
Are you sick of your low payed crap pile of a job? Are you having a hard time finding real love in a world dominated by superficial ideals? Do you sometimes wish you could just get the fuck away from all this post-post-everything-bullshit? Just tune out. Escape to somewhere nice. Some sacred utopian place where we actually can have nice things. Yes we can, turn the dones into pterodactyls!
If pterodactyls are nice things anyway? As if any decade in earths history was nice. Weird that tales about good and evil are often set in the dark ages. Didn't people especially have shit lives in the dark ages? There weren't much good back then either.
It wasn't Styricon's "Dank Medieval Times" after all. (As the reader might have noticed by now, the present author is quite knowledgeable about black metal history). So the black plague was hunting Europe like the ancient specter of Grandfather Nurgle, black boils bursting like bubbles on the yellowish skin of today's global markets. Economies of slaves, prostitutes and political prisoners was circling within the foul smelling stands of the local plaza, much like today's digital network of human filth. Dank times indeed. So people escaped by telling stories. Later those stories were distributed as books. Later those stories got told on the movie screen. Later people just got fucket up off of their ass on molly or bamboozled on acid instead. Soon we will plug into the VR-Wyrd, turn on life support and lie as we drain the earth in separate cells. 

"Reality in general kind of sucks balls" 
- Chinese Sage; Xao Xiu Xaos, who is said to have once sucked balls himself
 and thus knew what he was talking about.

 So how do you make sure it is your balls that's being sucked by reality, and not the other way around? You become a powerful wizard. While getting there, you can lock the doors, take a night home and pick up this book. So do you like ecstasy? Do you like fucking fantasy? Do you like getting blown away? Do you like chasing the dragon? Good. Because that is exactly where we find our heroin...



 Chapter One

Chasing The Dragon

The shiny purple scales of the Scandinavian river drake was the only thing filling the mind of our heroin Liv Heklasdottir as she chased the running reptile in childlike ecstasy, almost getting blown away by the sweeps of it's strong feathery tail. Liv just turned sixteen, (just like the danish singer Gitte Hænning, in that awful song "Bare seksten år", (Just sixteen years), about the charming naivety of a adolescent girl who have no idea what is going on around her, not unlike Gitte's hitting song "Giftes med farmand", (Marry my daddy), where Gitte plays the character of a girl who want's to marry her daddy, (how cute), and there is this "voice of the father" talking about the folly of his daughter; now, this is where shit gets psychoanalytical; somehow this "voice of the father" from "Marry me daddy" has found it's way into how I remember "Just 16 years", sort of like the Mandala Effect: no matter how many times I listen to the song, I always remember it as if the same guy as is playing the father is also singing a verse in "Just sixteen years", making it sound as if he is celebrating the sexual maturity of this new Gitte), and on her birthday she decided to do what she liked most; to go somewhere far away and try to get lost. Or more precisely, just a bit lost. Today, however, she was about to get a little more than just a bit lost. On her little trip to the rivery moors that day she would encounter something quite unusual and have, what she would later refer to as her "initiatory magical experience". The smaller dragon had snug into a cave passage. Liv had just entered the cave, when she noticed the dank smell of moisture and some curious symbols on the walls.As she ventured deeper into the cave she felt the prickling of spiders on her bare feet.

On The Subject Of The Dankness Of The Cave:
The Cave was very dank.
Dank was the Cave, verily so.
Very dank was the Cave.
- Maldoror

She was used to spiders in the woods and cuntinued without fretting... wait that typo was most def a Freudian slip. I mean u and o are not that close and I know how "continued" is spelled, so. I was thinking of the cave as a cunt of couse. Good. Now, we can cuntintue:
A weird sort of fog covered the cave floor and the red rays of the setting sun shaded it and the many cobwebs in a scarlet hue. When Liv came to the end of the cave she encountered a smooth marble wall as the dead end of this cave. Some sun rays reached the black marble when Sol, like this evening, was upon the western horizon. Liv could see herself as an orange ghost in the black mirror. She shrugged and turned her back to it. She decided that this was a pretty time and place and thus she sat down to meditate, as her mother had taught her. 
She f o c u s e d on the co b we b s in the scarlet mist, slowly becoming invisible as Sol gave way to Nyx. She sat there, focused, for a long time, until a young, naked, red haired lady came crawling towards her. She slowly stretched her back and walked towards Liv. She looked like she was in her early twenties; just like Liv's mother when she got impregnated by that demon of her father.
Intrigue...
"Come, let me take you for a walk among long dead stars", said the young woman.
"Sure", was Liv's answer, and she left her body, there, meditating.

Chapter II

First intermission:

Hello, this is Estens Baumgaard, your humble writer. Did you read the fist chapter of this novel? What did you think of it? Did you like it? Did you hate it? And why? Why did you like it, or why did you hate it so much? Let me know in the comments!

Trip Among Dead Stars



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